ASSASSIN’S CREED 3 (2012)
My contribution to the “Surprisingly comprehensive” blog.
Django. The D is silent. Just like the cinema should be.
It’s a good job I didn’t have one of these with me…
I watched Django last night (which was brilliant) and had one of those really pleasant cinema experiences to boot. So I’m reacting in the typical way any writer would react, by writing a blog post.
Alarm bells should have rang when the couple next to me started asking each other how they watch movies… Unsurprisingly they talked through all the trailers loudly so I totes couldn’t understand anything Will Smith said in the sci-fi that looks wank. Not a problem! They’ll shut up when the actual film starts, everyone does that? I tell/reassure myself.
But no, they constantly whispered which in turn evolved into full-on conversations every time an actor that they knew turned up on screen to the point where I missed all of Sam L Jackson’s opening conversation. I had tried to do the odd glance but to no avail and this scene tipped me over the edge. So I asked politely “Could you please not talk through the whole film? Thanks”.
As to be expected they did not take this well and replied “Why are you talking to us if you don’t like people talking during a film?” Obviously this made no sense. So I said “Because I can’t tell you to shut up without talking”. They proceeded to whisper about me shaking their heads and asked this rhetorical question loudly “Are we able to laugh?”
I really wanted to reply with “Not if you want to keep your spleen” but just stayed quiet and tried to concentrate on the rest of the film. Unfortunately this proved quite difficult as the male of the couple proceeded to laugh loudly for a ridiculously long time and slap his thigh at anything he found funny. Oh and shout the actor’s name too, just to make sure we all understood how clever he was for understanding the joke and that he can recognise a Tarantino cameo.
Now I’m not advocating piracy but putting up with dick munchers like this after paying for an expensive ticket makes it a damn sight more attractive.
